Babies Everywhere !!! - Pregnancy

Breastfeeding Still

jenny@babieseverywhere.com (BabiesEverywhere) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 13:58:00 +0200

Breastfeeding still, Looking more and more likely that we'll be tandem nursing shortly.

Nightwakenings

jenny@babieseverywhere.com (BabiesEverywhere) — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 09:42:00 +0200

Sigh, I am waking up a couple times a night to go to the toilet.

I remember this from last time, it is tiring and pointless but good preparation for having a newborn in the house.

Who am I kidding? I just want to sleep whilst I can !!!

Baby Bea stop jumping on my bladder

Second Pregnancy

jenny@babieseverywhere.com (BabiesEverywhere) — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:08:00 +0100

Interesting the differences between my first pregnancy and my second.

Last time Heartburn, this time None
Last time No Sickness, this time a lot
Last time couldn't tolerate any spices, this time really like spices

I wonder how different the parenting will be this time around ?

Maternity Jeans

jenny@babieseverywhere.com (BabiesEverywhere) — Sat, 29 Dec 2007 22:44:05 +0100

I know I am barely pregnant but my body has seemed to remember what happened last time and a small bump has popped up over night.

I managed to get a couple of pairs of maternity jeans second hand just for the cost of postage and picked them up at the PO collection office this morning.

Bliss I can sit down in comfort again !!!

Telling Parents

jenny@babieseverywhere.com (BabiesEverywhere) — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 10:00:00 +0100

Went down to parents with sister, Deckchair and Babychair and told them the good news

Add pictures here

Sister Visited

jenny@babieseverywhere.com (BabiesEverywhere) — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 10:00:00 +0100

My lovely and very understanding sister came down to stay for the weekend.

Lovely - because she always is.

Understanding - As we told her about new baby and her first and second reaction was positive celebrating and nevera thought for her wedding early summer next year.

As her wedding next year, no question I am still to be a bridesmaid (5/6 months pregnant no less)

It was wonderful to see my sister and I'm can't wait until her wedding next year

Knocked Up Again

jenny@babieseverywhere.com (BabiesEverywhere) — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 10:00:00 +0100

Well on top of....

My DH running for hills when I want attention
Illness in the family
My temp thing giving up the ghost

I have not been thinking about temping or TTC this month.

So this morning I POAS before I got in the shower, ahead of the wine tonight.

It is a BFP !!!

I am so in shock. This is (relatively) unexpected. Thick pink line appeared quickly on a Tesco PT, which I bought last month and never used.

Oh my, oh my...another August baby

Future Babies

jenny@babieseverywhere.com (BabiesEverywhere) — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 17:16:00 +0100

I really don't know where to begin, so if this entry is a bit disjointed bear with me.

Friends and family ask/joke/hint about when we will have another child and I don't know how to respond.

The bottom line is 'Yes, in theory we would love to have another child' but I can't ignore the gut wrenching dread at the thought of another experience like the last one. Agreeing to another hospital birth is the same as planning to be attacked/violated on a pre-arranged day

A hospital birth is no longer an irrational fear, now I know what will happen.

Against my will, I will be prevented from moving, from making any decisions, people will touch me without permission, without explaining what is happening, my body will be ripped open, my child taken away from me, my questions ignored, my opinions laughed at. If I object, I will be told that if I do not co-operate I will be responsible for damaging my unborn child.

How can I put myself though that again deliberately

Even if, as I was told by a midwife last time 'What is your problem, your child was born healthy'

How is that the point? My daughter would have been healthy wherever and however she was born, I didn't need to be belittled and ignored in order for her to magically become healthy. It isn't an either or situation it is possible to have a reasonable labor AND a healthy baby.

I should add that the staff at the hospital did nothing wrong, they sent a lady out to my home to go though the medical records and show how medically aptly I was treated. But they dealt with my body not with ME. I wanted to avoid all the medical procedures that were forced upon me; this is why I never wanted to go to the hospital in the first place.

What happened when I was in labor last time is often on my mind. Without permission the horrible events just roll themselves out in my mind and upset me. I don't try and think about it, in fact I actively try not to think about it but it is not that simple.

My good friend sent me some links which she thought might help me, including this one.

I rang them a while ago and talked to someone, lets call her Lady A. We talked. I got upset. She wanted to visit me at home and talk more. I didn't think there was any point, as the more I talk about it, the more upset I get. Talking doesn't change anything.

After all everyone else copes just fine with labor. At the mother and baby groups I go to, the mothers compete to tell the most horror filled labor stories and how much worse their labor was than the other mothers. I listen with closed ears and a fixed smile on my face........Do any of them feel the same way I do or am I just a wimp ? I tell no stories. I hold my daughter tightly and concentrate on smiling.

Everything seemed to be going well, until recently when I had a terrible 10 day vomiting bug. NHS Direct suggested I do a pregnancy test, I cried at the thought of being pregnant again; I was so panicked about the thought of another labor.

The test was negative and I felt both relieved and a little sad...is our daughter destined to be an only child. DH was upset both at the negative result and how upset I was. I decided that I would have to do something to make myself feel better, after all birth control is not 100% and we had never originally intended for Babychair to be an only child.

I rang back Lady A and we arranged for her to visit me today at my home. Luckily Babychair was asleep for most of her visit, as she picks up when I'm upset. Lady A wanted to talk about last time, so I outlined what happened as quickly as I could. Lady A listened, asked a few questions. She said what I felt was normal and she knew other women who felt the same way.

She offered counseling details but I think this is a waste of money, going over and over the same things and my priority is preventing the same thing from happening again, if we decided to get pregnant again.

Lady A gave me some names/web address of places where I could get more information and she gave me some information herself as she is an independent midwife.

UPDATE
Over the next few days I rang and spoke to several people. including the midwife supervisor at the local hospital, two medical labs and the Strep B help line and between all the conversations here is the information gleaned (I am not recounting all the conversations as it will make this long blog entry, never ending)

Lady A and I have pieced together the following information. The main problem if I was to have another baby is the fact that last time I tested positive for Strep B on the unreliable NHS Test and was forced in to hospital because of that test. Due to being forced into hospital, the stress slowed down and stopped my contractions. Hence they induced me. That meant lying on a bed with tubes in both arms and a constant baby monitoring. Those facts made the pain unbearable and hence I ended up on one drug and then another ending up with an epidural. The epidural, inducement drugs and the lying down, ensured that I would have no chance of pushing the baby out on my own. Hence I ended up in theatre with me terrified as they were going to cut me for a C-section, but I kept telling them I could still feel everything and they insisted that I couldn't feel anything !!! I was so scared, finally they decided to cut me down below and try to drag her out of me with forceps instead and I teared badly and lost several pints of blood. My daughter was taken straight away and that is the last proper memory of the so called 'birth'. Flashes of pain are all I can remember until they transferred me from one room to a proper ward some time later (maybe a day or 24 hours or so ?)

(An aside one of the things which upsets me, is that there are pictures of me and Babychair and Deckchair in hospital and I don't remember anything and hence I hate looking at those pictures, as I have no memories to go with them)

NEW FACTS
1. The NHS Strep B test I was forced to take is known to be unreliable, though the lab claims that no mistakes are ever made (LMAO)
2. Strep B comes and goes and being positive for one pregnancy does not mean you would be for another.
3. Chance of baby getting Strep B if you were confirmed positive at time of labor is 1:7000 less than 0.01% a very very very low risk.
4. If the baby does get Strep B it can be very nasty and in worse case the baby could die.
5. Taking a gold standard private Strep B test would give me a certainty if I was carrying strep B or not and would be a safe result for 5 weeks of taking the test.
6. Sadly the gold standard test can only be taken at 37 weeks pregnant and the other decisions about a potential birth would already have to be in place by then.
7. NHS would still treat me as Strep B positive even with a negative gold standard test.
8. NHS would not allow me to give birth in a birthing centre or at home because of point 7 and the fact that things went badly last time.
9. The fact I went to hospital caused a lot of the things that went wrong last time.
10. If I went to hospital, I would not be allowed a water birth, even though if I was Strep B positive at the time, there are no risk factors but policy says no water births.
11. If I went to hospital, I would be on a permanent water drip, even though I would rather just drink water and again this has no higher risks, this is policy.
12. If I went to hospital, I would be forced to lie on a bed and not to move so they can do continual fetal monitoring. Not only is this not required, it has been proven to cause worse labors, another non-optional policy.
13. This is a funny one. I was reassured that I would have a different better experience than last time. LOL. Yes, because being forced into one hospital and lying down with a drip, will be so much better in than being forced into another hospital and lying down with a drip.

OPTIONS
1. Stop at one healthy wonderful child and get tubes tied
2. Adopt (can't afford it and would be exempt from funding as we have a healthy child)
OR
3. Get pregnant and either.....
a. Endure the same nightmare experience and dread the labor for nine months.
b. Try and get IV's at home or IM injections, so I can have a home water birth. This would be my ideal solution but I wouldn't get this on the NHS, so I would have to find around £2000 for a private midwife.
c. Take Gold standard test at 37 weeks and if it is negative, stay at home. Might end up with no midwife attending and what do I do if the test came back positive?
d. Go to hospital and refuse continual monitoring, drip and demand a water birth. But they will just say no go and being in labor is not the time you feel up to arguing. Or take an independent midwife in with you but that has the aforementioned £2000 price tag and they can just ignore her too or the pool might be filled already.

On the bright side I do know of two wonderful ladies who are planning TTC in 2007, best of luck to you both. May you have a better time in hospital than I did and I look forward to cuddling your future babies

Why

jenny@babieseverywhere.com (BabiesEverywhere) — Tue, 26 Sep 2006 13:57:37 +0200

Why do I get so upset about Babychair's birth ?

This afternoon I realised that I had less than 40 minutes to get to a Physiotherapy appointment at the local hospital and with a small baby wasn't going to happen. Life is a cycle of feeding, changing, cuddles and naps and if I don't leave the house at the right moment, I have to wait another hour or so until another good moment appears.

So I rang the Physiotherapy woman to cancel my appointment and apologise for the short notice etc. She gave me a verbal appointment instead and dug out my medical records etc and talked me though pelvic floor exercises and some other related things and things were going fine.

Then she mentioned something about my labour and I couldn't speak as I was overwhelmed by the feeling of helplessness, failure and upset that I always feel when I have to think about that time. Even now just typing about it makes me cry, I just wish I could wipe it from my mind and replace it with better memories like the first few hours of my daughter's life.

Why is it that I am forced to remember the worse bits of labour and the so called best bit of giving birth i.e. the first few hours after labour when you and your husband bond with your baby and I remember nothing of that all I have is pictures which trigger nothing but upset.

I have talked to TigerFeet and my sister about things when I was in hospital but to be honest I think I was still in shock then. My sister has made it clear she is here for me but I can't talk rationally about it in real life. I have tried talking to Deckchair and though he is usually wonderful I just get more and more upset, he suggested that we don't talk about it, if it upsets me so much and I wish I had that option, I have tried my best to not think about it but it pops into my mind unasked for.

I don't understand why I get so upset, it is not like logically I can or could do anything about what happened, Although I think that is WHY I get so upset, I hate being out of control of having things done to me without my permission or request but they are the medical experts doing their job, we had no choice.

The last straw was Deckchair making light of what happened to a mutual friend saying we just ended up with a hospital birth and when I tried to point out that things were terrible and not to make light, he didn't understand. I agree the staff bended over backwards to be helpfull and friendly and yes, if I had lost all that blood at home we could of died. But what we went though was not a normal hospital birth...if I was allowed to move off the bed, used the toilet properly, sat on a birthing ball, had a shower/bath/birthing pool when I wanted...that would be a normal hospital birth.

I think a lot of the problems happened because I was terrified strapped down to a bed so I couldn't move and that virtually guaranteed the endless interventions we ended up with. I coped with the early contractions fine at home and if I had laboured at home I know I would of done better. Even at home lying down made the pain of natural contractions so much worse..the induced contractions started off worse, if I could just of moved around and/or been able to get up out of the bed whilst being induced, I wouldn't of felt so imprisioned and out of control.

The Physiotherapist asked me if I had been referred to the Birth Afterthought program, where the local hospital staff take you though your medical notes and let you ask any questions you want about what happened and why.
I told her my midwife had referred me but I hadn't heard anything yet. The nice Physiotherapist chased up my referral and it looks like my midwife hadn't referred me but I am on the list now.

Though to be honest I am wondering if there is any point, surely looking at this again is just going to get me more upset and it won't change a thing about what happened.

I suspect all the hospital will keep saying is that Babychair was born healthy (and taken away straight away) but while I am very grateful that she is healthy...that does not change how horrific the labour was and had I had a normal hospital or home birth, Babychair would of been just as healthy and I wouldn't cry everytime I think of her entry into the world.

Inducement

jenny@babieseverywhere.com (BabiesEverywhere) — Sat, 19 Aug 2006 14:30:00 +0200

Deckchair came to the bathroom whilst I was having a bath and praying for my contractions to start again, he had received a phone call from hospital. Apparantly I was positive for Strep B and I had to go to hospital to be induced...I just cried and cried...the last thing I wanted was to be induced, strapped to a hospital bed with constant fetal monitoring.

But we had no choice, Strep B can be very nasty for a baby and we had to do what the professionals recommended. After repacking my hospital bag and having a very tearful phone conversation with my mum, we set off with a heavy heart to the hospital.

Contractions

jenny@babieseverywhere.com (BabiesEverywhere) — Fri, 18 Aug 2006 22:37:00 +0200

I had steady contractions all day, roughly every ten minutes apart but they weren't gettiung stronger or closer together

All in all a tiring and disappointing day.

Strep B Swabs

jenny@babieseverywhere.com (BabiesEverywhere) — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 23:00:00 +0200

No baby yet, contractions still only 10 minutes apart.

When I rang the local hospital too check when they needed to be notified of my pending home birth, they were concerned that my waters had broken and that I still wasn't in proper labour and asked us to go down to the maternity hospital for a Strep B swab, just in case baby doesn't come in the next three days.

We spent hours in the small triage room waiting on the one very nice and over worked nurse and the one very nice and over worked midwife to get the five minutes of attention we needed before we could go home.

My contractions felt ten times worse whilst I was within the hospital and my Tens machine battery gave out and I was so upset and told the nurse I had to go home for a battery but luckily she managed to find me one (bless her).

I was so relieved to get home, even though I ended up sleeping on the sofa as my contractions were numerous and intense enought to keep me awake but were not getting closer together.

Bert's Birthday

jenny@babieseverywhere.com (BabiesEverywhere) — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 08:33:04 +0200

Thursday 17th August7am
Rang my mum and told her about the waters breaking and my contractions which seem to be coming at 5 minute intervals now !!! She was so excited and is going to call me at lunch time and after work. She couldn't believe how calm I sounded, that is because I have waited 9 months for today and I can't wait to met Bert...I know labour is a painful experience but at the end of it I will get to meet my child !!!

7:30am
Had a shower and got dressed, left Deckchair in bed. He'll need all the sleep he can get for later

8am
Rang Tigerfeet to tell her the news, she was pleased for me as she knew how fed up I have been over the last few days.

9am
Rang my sister, as she is not in work this week (as she is moving into her first house with her partner) I didn't think I could ring any earlier than this.

Rang MIL

9:30am
Put on Tens machine, well Deckchair did.

Slow contractions all day maybe 10 minutes apart.

Rang hospital to ask about when I get a home midwife.

They rang community midwives, then rang me back and asked me to come to Jessops for a strep b swab.

Reluctantly went in at 9:30pm and got back at 11:20pm

Contractions very strong whilst I stayed up and talked to my sister every 8 minutes.

Sent Deckchair to bed and I decided to sleep on the sofa.

Friday 18th August
Since 12:00pm I have been having very infrequent but very strong contractons which are very painful, plus I am going to the loo every hour.

It is now 3:50am and everytime I try and lie down I have a very strong contraction, whilst I sit/stand up I get nothing..plus my waters are still leaking I am so tired, Bert is kicking away but I am worried about his/her having to put up with less water.

Unless things really start moving shortly, it is not looking like I will be having the home water birth I wanted. I am starting to wonder when Bert will be here.

My community midwife is meant to be visiting me in the morning and I know one of the topics will be inducement in hospital..just as she wanted from the beginning...she doesn't believe in first babies being home births.

I know Bert was fine 11pm last night and that is the thing most upfront in my mind that I do whatever is necessary to bring Bert into this world as a healthy baby.

To be updated

Waters have Broken

jenny@babieseverywhere.com (BabiesEverywhere) — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 03:55:00 +0200

I had that kind of feeling you get when your period starts, so I dashed to the toilet and on the way out of bed and the few steps to the toilet my waters broke !!!

The first gush or so had blood in it and I can't remember if that is a problem or not. I remember from the baby classes that green or brown water meant going to the hospital, as the baby was in distress but nothing about blood.

I have posted on the two parenting boards for advice and I'm typing up this entry whilst waiting for a response. One board is Americian (www.pregnancy.org) and the other English (www.mumsnet.com), so hopefully someone will be around to give me advice. I usually google for answers but my head isn't working well at the moment !!!

I am still leaking, thank goodness for maternity pads (too much information I know) but I am so excited that something is happening.

I wonder how soon I'll go into labour...I think they let you go 48 hours from the time of waters breaking which was 3:55am.

I am getting crampy BH, I wonder if these are mild real contractions !?!

I went back to bed and woke Deckchair up to tell him my waters have broken...I wonder do I let him go to work or should I keep him home with me...I told him to stay in bed but as I'm downstairs typing this I can hear him in the bathroom.

Update: Bless the internet Liz responded on the USA board and said I proberly had a bloody show at the same time as my waters breaking and not to worry about it :)

Second Update: What do I do now...I just had my first two contractions, shall I go back to bed and get some sleep or stay up for a bit !?! Deckchair came downstairs and gave me a cuddle:)

Third Update: Another waterfall drove me to the loo again...I've sent Deckchair to bed as the contractions are only 10 minutes apart and armed with towels, I'm going to try and get some sleep myself...good night everyone (I can not believe I am up on the internet at 4:53am in the morning

40 Weeks Plus 4 days - Nothing Doing

jenny@babieseverywhere.com (BabiesEverywhere) — Wed, 16 Aug 2006 09:00:00 +0200

???

Did yesterday's acupuncture session work .....watch this space !?!

???

Nothing to report as yet

Update :9:30pm and no sign of Bert, just regular BH and no labour signs at all...so onward and upward to another day.

Sending loads of cyber hugs to my daddy who rang me unexpectedly this afternoon and really cheered me up, whilst I was feeling sorry for myself.