My wonderful grandma passed away at her nursing home this morning.

She had suffered with a cold recently and was recovering well from this illness, then she just passed on in her sleep in her own bed with her carer with her at the very end.

She went so fast that there was no time for her children to get there.

My parents knew my sister and I were coming down tonight anyway and so waited until we arrived in Wigan to tell us. We ran into the house with flowers for mum and real ale beer for dad, bubbling with energy and smiles...then we found out what had happened to our gran.

I'm in two minds about my grandma.

The first part of me is very sad.

As I won't ever eat her special teas like rolled white bread, with the edges trimmed off ham in the centre and rolled into sausages, held together with cocktail sticks. Tinned salmon with vinager, white bread rolls spread thinkly with butter and the shop bought cakes and if we were lucky a cake or cheesecake she had made herself. I especially craved the unhealthy white bread with butter instead of the healthy option on wholemeal bread with marg we got at home.

My sister and I will never again sit on the floor next to my grandma as she shows us how to embroidary flowers onto mats, make peg dolls out of dolly pegs and give them wool hair, felt tip faces and clothes carefully folded and glued around pipecleaner arms, how to make 3D decoupe cards out of wrapping paper and the other crafty things my grandma taught us.

No more sorting though her costume jewelery for her into colours, she had drawers of the stuff and we begged to play with it.

No more grandma visits as children when my sister and I, stayed at grandma's house for a week and wore dresses every day, went to church several times on Sunday, as grandma was a wonderful singer and in the church choir. We met the women at mothers union and the women's insitute and we were introduced where ever we went as Barbara's children.

Grandma visits also meant early mornings even on a weekend, where we three would sit around the kitchen table, the gas fire on and the clock tick tocking in the quiet. If we were lucky we would get to sit on the top decker of the bus to Warrington and have McDonalds for lunch.

The second part of me is happy that she died at home in bed with a caring person by her side. I am also pleased that my sister and I had visited her only two weeks earlier so I did say goodbye to her then.

Even the fact that she was in the new nursing home was a blessing in disguise as she could stay in her own bed as the trained nurses knew nothing more could be done for her elsewhere, if she had been at the carehome she would of almost certainly been taken to hospital to die. She has the dubious honor of being the first person from the nursing home to pass on there, it was a wonderful place brand new with very caring staff.

God bless you grandma, I'm glad you are back with grandad...I know you missed him a lot.